Intermission

8 Jul

It’s Friday night. Most of my Friday nights lately have been spent at the dance studio for a double-header (lyrical & ballet basics), but tonight I’m just hanging out at home. I did some baking, some stretching and my physical therapy exercises, and now I’m hanging out on the couch. As of tonight, I haven’t been to class in two weeks, and now I’m not sure when I’ll get the okay to go back.

Last week I was pretty optimistic that I would be able to go back sometime next week. Nothing really gave me cause to believe that would be the case, as I hadn’t even met my physical therapist when I made that declaration. I guess I was just feeling hopeful, and maybe a little impatient. Now I’m worried I might even be out for the rest of the summer, but I’m really hoping that’s not the case. It’s frustrating because I absolutely want to make sure my hamstring is healed and I’m cleared for a healthy return, but it’s just driving me crazy not to be dancing.

Is that reasonable? It’s possible I’m an addict. A ballet addict. I can’t be the only one.

I’ve been telling myself most dance schools take a summer break, and there are certainly many dancers who go this long between classes — so who am I to complain? It’s just strange to me to go from 4-6 classes a week on average… to none.

I’m trying really hard not to get all wallow-y, but I’m in this strange position where I’m trying to figure out what to do with my time in between. Ballet had become my source of socialization during the week, something to do after work, and now I’m going a little stir-crazy just hanging out at home. My first instinct would be to turn to another form of exercise, like yoga or pilates, but I’m not sure those would be wise options just yet. For now, I’m resigned to my PT exercises and some light additional exercise to keep me in shape (especially since I have a dress to fit into next month for a friend’s wedding, ha!)

I think what I’m most afraid of is that I won’t go back. Not because I’ll be told I can’t, but because I’ll move on. Before I came back to ballet, I’d been kind of flighty with my hobbies, never really sticking to one thing for too long. I’d get distracted and lose interest. When I decided to take up ballet again, I wasn’t sure it would last, but it did… and it went from a once-a-week hobby to a lifestyle. What if I change? What if I’m away so long that I’m too afraid to start back again?

It sounds ridiculous to say, because I believe 100% that ballet is in my blood now, but these are the things I think about when I’m sitting at home missing class.

Tomorrow I’m going to wake up and only think positive thoughts. Y’all are free to slap me if I don’t.

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2 Responses to “Intermission”

  1. Adult Beginner July 8, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

    Pardon my dorky earnestness, but I think it’s very brave to say out loud (or you know, write out loud) your worry about the possibility of maybe being afraid to start up again.

  2. Nina W July 12, 2011 at 5:12 am #

    I know how you feel!!
    I live with a bad knee. However, your hamstring is a momentary thing, not a chronic problem, so I have ABSOLUTE faith that you will get back to class in no time! And your post is not wallowy at all! It is so normal to feel the way you do. Thank you so much for sharing. Just hang in there, think happy thoughts, and I know you can do this!

    You are not the only ballet addict out there btw 🙂

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